A massive thanks to you all for your advice and support, it's been much appreciated.
I've had issues for about 3 or 4 years now but it's really escalated since I moved back to the UK and I think there is a connection however small to the fucking shit weather and my drinking
My doctor referred me to We are With You a year or so ago. They are a non-profit similar to AA but without any of the spiritual higher power content. I've been attending meetings online (sporadically) but had stopped seeing my caseworker through sheer complacency.
And that's my problem. I stop, have zero problems stopping for a few weeks, and then think I've got it cracked and I haven't. I never will have, but reminding myself that when I'm not even arsed about not drinking seems really tough.
And then I have a terrible night's sleep, have some super stressful stuff going on work-wise or the Rams draft Tutu Atwell and Vodka seems like a brilliant idea and I can just have it once and I'll be ok. But of course, it's never one. I mean literally NEVER. And it's progressive. I got to my mid-50s managing my intake well and knowing when to stop, now I've hit 60 those days have gone
I've booked back in with my caseworker and also seeing an addiction specialist privately next week and I've blocked out the time to attend at least 2 meetings per week.
So, I know what I need to do and I'll get there, it's just two steps forward and one back at the moment.
Thanks again to all of you